As someone who shaved all her hair off (about 4 years ago now and still going strong) I have so much to say, but this is my first time commenting on anything so I'm a smidge apprehensive but anywayyy...
I always felt such a bittersweet connection with my hair. it was my uniqueness (I'm strawberry blonde so was never allowed to dye or bleach it because it was so precious), my femininity, but also a huge source of pain and discomfort. I can't remember a time I was ever happy with my hair. When I was about 8, I lamented with a friend about wishing to be able to take off our hair like a wig in summer because both of our hairs (?) were VERY thick and our necks were coated in a thin layer of sweat at all times. My hair was also extremely uncooperative, and could only really be straightened, which I did pretty much every day in high school.
Once I hit 16, I started toying with the idea of cutting all my hair off. I had had ideas of pixies and bobs since I was allowed to choose my own haircuts, but I was putting it off. Honestly, I don't even remember bringing up the idea to my mum, but she claims I had been deliberating for 6 months before I actually dedicated myself. There was very little fear or resistance on my end for this change. I was losing a lot, my comfort of hiding, my anonymity, my femininity, but it was worth it because I also lost the days of discomfort of how my hair looked, the greasiness from flipping it around because I was never totally happy with how it fell, the long showers I never had the mental energy to keep up with.
I have a video of my hair being cut off, and even despite the fact I'm wearing a mask, you can see the relief in my face. I did not regret it and I still think it is the best decision I have ever made in my life.
I was always worried that I would be shunned. I worried I would never find love as someone who didn't present themselves in a way that was expected. But, I was so fortunate to be surrounded by a wonderful group of (very gay) people, so it was immediately celebrated and something I was respected for. Yes, I was stared at. A lot. Not a great thing for someone riddled with anxiety, but I got used to it and I very rarely notice it anymore. Plus, I managed to find my amazing boyfriend, who was originally attracted to me because of how I presented myself and my hair especially. Surprisingly enough, I never did badly in clubs etc (but I'm sure being somewhat skinny and dressed scantily helped me too).
All this to say in a very long comment, I will always always always recommend someone to shave their hair off, especially if they're overstimulated constantly by long hair. I don't know if I will ever grow my hair out, but if I do, I know I'll still value my buzzcut and it's extreme low maintenance, it's the best thing that ever happened to me.
(if you've made it this far thank you, I wanna start writing a bit so this is my first toe in, I hope it makes sense)
I’m shocked at your writing about “mummifying yourself” and looking to preserve the version of yourself before you experienced a change. I do the same thing and never even realized it. I was just thinking about how I miss the prominent collarbones I had at 17, that have softened now at 25. Your writing makes me think about why I’m holding on so tightly to time that has already passed.
As someone who shaved all her hair off (about 4 years ago now and still going strong) I have so much to say, but this is my first time commenting on anything so I'm a smidge apprehensive but anywayyy...
I always felt such a bittersweet connection with my hair. it was my uniqueness (I'm strawberry blonde so was never allowed to dye or bleach it because it was so precious), my femininity, but also a huge source of pain and discomfort. I can't remember a time I was ever happy with my hair. When I was about 8, I lamented with a friend about wishing to be able to take off our hair like a wig in summer because both of our hairs (?) were VERY thick and our necks were coated in a thin layer of sweat at all times. My hair was also extremely uncooperative, and could only really be straightened, which I did pretty much every day in high school.
Once I hit 16, I started toying with the idea of cutting all my hair off. I had had ideas of pixies and bobs since I was allowed to choose my own haircuts, but I was putting it off. Honestly, I don't even remember bringing up the idea to my mum, but she claims I had been deliberating for 6 months before I actually dedicated myself. There was very little fear or resistance on my end for this change. I was losing a lot, my comfort of hiding, my anonymity, my femininity, but it was worth it because I also lost the days of discomfort of how my hair looked, the greasiness from flipping it around because I was never totally happy with how it fell, the long showers I never had the mental energy to keep up with.
I have a video of my hair being cut off, and even despite the fact I'm wearing a mask, you can see the relief in my face. I did not regret it and I still think it is the best decision I have ever made in my life.
I was always worried that I would be shunned. I worried I would never find love as someone who didn't present themselves in a way that was expected. But, I was so fortunate to be surrounded by a wonderful group of (very gay) people, so it was immediately celebrated and something I was respected for. Yes, I was stared at. A lot. Not a great thing for someone riddled with anxiety, but I got used to it and I very rarely notice it anymore. Plus, I managed to find my amazing boyfriend, who was originally attracted to me because of how I presented myself and my hair especially. Surprisingly enough, I never did badly in clubs etc (but I'm sure being somewhat skinny and dressed scantily helped me too).
All this to say in a very long comment, I will always always always recommend someone to shave their hair off, especially if they're overstimulated constantly by long hair. I don't know if I will ever grow my hair out, but if I do, I know I'll still value my buzzcut and it's extreme low maintenance, it's the best thing that ever happened to me.
(if you've made it this far thank you, I wanna start writing a bit so this is my first toe in, I hope it makes sense)
effin’ exist babyyyy!!!! that’s my girl!!!
Beautiful 💛
I love you
I’m shocked at your writing about “mummifying yourself” and looking to preserve the version of yourself before you experienced a change. I do the same thing and never even realized it. I was just thinking about how I miss the prominent collarbones I had at 17, that have softened now at 25. Your writing makes me think about why I’m holding on so tightly to time that has already passed.
as a Taurus also going through a break up and obsessing over her hair I loved every little bit xx
“I grew up so aware of myself and how unpredictable others can be, that I became the only thing I knew how to control.” 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼